This is a picture of my son Tucker on the the day he was born. The first thing I noticed about him when they handed him to me was his eyes. They were deep. They looked right at me and they locked into mine. I will NEVER forget that exact moment. Ever. It was the moment that I knew he was mine. His eyes confirmed it. He didn't cry or fuss. Just stared at me. This is a picture of that moment. He has grown and changed much. But, not his eyes. They are still the same as that day. He did not know it then, but he terrified me. I now had to take this baby home and keep him alive! I felt sorry for him and thought, "Poor kid doesn't know that he has a rookie for a mom! Don't let me take him! I don't know what I am doing and need to stay in the hospital for a month or two to figure it all out!" But he trusted me. And that was enough for me on June 23, 1998.
But, this week I gave my son away. He asked me to do it. And it brought me such joy. I turned him back to Yahweh (God), and now he belongs fully to him. Oh, I am still his mommy and Johnny is still his daddy. But, Tucker got saved on July 25, 2009 late at night and today will be baptized. Now his true journey begins. He is so full of emotion that my heart can barely stand it. Over that past 8 days we have prayed with him, read to him, talked with him and now he wants out of this world and to step onto the path that leads to "life." I now understand that you never parent your child so completely as when you give them back to God. If you think about it, they never really belonged to us in the first place. In my head I know this, but in my heart he will always be mine.
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